


What it Means to Be SOLDIER

by sunshinestealer



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 15:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7898404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinestealer/pseuds/sunshinestealer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While in Nibelheim, Cloud's feelings of inadequacy catch up to him. Zack ponders the meaning of SOLDIER, and if his blond friend will ever make the cut. (Basically an alternate version of that scene from the game when they're in the hotel room together.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	What it Means to Be SOLDIER

Shinra helmets are heavy and headache-inducing. Having your vision reduced to a fuzzy red filter for over eight hours tends to wear on the eyes. Despite many complaints, Shinra’s military corps declare they’re functional for use.

At the first opportunity they get, all cadets and officers in the military take them off. SOLDIER blessedly don’t have to use them.

Cloud keeps his on.

Zack, Cloud, Sephiroth and another soldier have spent hours walking around Nibelheim, and they’re poised to make the climb up Mt. Nibel tomorrow. The other Shinra guard has taken off his helmet by now, squinting his eyes at the sunlight and ruffling his hair out.

Cloud only takes it off in the hotel room, and presumably when he takes a break to visit his mother.

Zack can't fathom why.

 

* * *

 

The hotel is small, and serves its purpose. It’s a former coaching house, with a set of disused Chocobo stables jutting out of one side, and four suites upstairs. Naturally, Sephiroth has had one of the two single rooms specially made up for his arrival. The second single is occupied by the other guard, right down the hall, leaving just the twin room. Cloud has been a nervous wreck since arriving home — and Zack wants to get to the bottom of it. So he does, later that night, just before lights-out at 9pm. (And personally, he cannot believe he’s staying in an inn that has such an early curfew.)

“So… how’s your mom?” Zack asks later that evening.

“Fine.” Cloud replies.

“You’ve kept your helmet on all day. Why?”

Cloud grumbles under his breath a little. “Promise me you won’t laugh.”

Zack raises an eyebrow. “I’m not going to laugh at a friend. Not unless you do something incredibly stupid. Shoot.”

The cadet takes his knees up to his chin and leans back on the bed, with a sigh. “I said… before leaving town… I’d be in SOLDIER in a few years.”

He can’t help but let out a snort. “Yeah, unless you’re someone like Sephiroth… it doesn’t happen that quickly.”

“I said I’d be in SOLDIER. I’d be famous. To a girl.”

Zack chuckles. “So _that’s_ what this is about. You’re ashamed, man? Of not getting somewhere in… what, two years? Why set yourself such high standards, when you’re not gonna be able to attain them?”

“Sephiroth did.”

The Turks would have a field day if Zack admitted the Company’s secrets, the reasons why Sephiroth was at such a high level in the military. When Zack first signed up, he didn’t know about the Mako treatments and training Sephiroth had had to undergo since childhood. Or even the slight nepotism. Angeal mentioned both in hushed whispers, but only after Zack was confirmed as Second Class and the two had developed a deep enough bond.

“Yeah, well. You’re not Sephiroth. You’re you.”

_You’re not Sephiroth. You’re you._

“And what if… what I am… isn’t anything to be proud of?”

The question isn’t unexpected, but it’s still heartbreaking. Zack swallows and tries to think of a quick answer. “You made it into the military, and you’re a good cadet. SOLDIER isn’t everything.”

Cloud’s pale blue eyes widen. “But you’re SOLDIER. First Class.”

“SOLDIER are monsters. It’s probably best to stay away.” …For now, maybe. Perhaps some day, the department will emerge from corruption, desertions, in-fighting… and of course, Professor Hojo’s insistence on multiple untested Mako treatments that have forced many a good man out of service due to mental illness or deteriorating health.

But, to boys out in the countryside, reading the newspapers and listening to the radio and television, SOLDIER is like a holy calling. This amazing career opportunity afforded to only a lucky few who prove themselves. SOLDIER carries with it strength, prestige, and honour. Many people enter Shinra’s military. Some even make it into the Marine corps. But it’s a whole different kettle of fish to become a SOLDIER.

“You wanna bring glory to your hometown. You want to impress a girl.” Zack sighs. Sephiroth doesn’t have a hometown. Angeal and Genesis so rarely visited Banora, or their missions there were diverted at the last minute. Shinra knows how strong family ties can be. They’re paranoid — even without soldiers deserting or being weakened recently from constant attacks by AVALANCHE. Zack had been putting his own home visitation off for years. “…It’s not worth it.”

It feels cruel to crush the dreams of a fifteen year old kid so heavily underfoot. But Cloud’s not SOLDIER material. Zack sometimes wonders if _he_ even is. He just doesn’t possess the ruthless, elite and professional persona of Sephiroth or Angeal. Zack’s just happy to get the work done and prove himself to be the best. No other real outside factors. Not for money, not for hometown glory, not for the adulation of any parental figures. Or even a girl.

Well. Aerith. But he’s pretty sure she already likes him in spite of being a SOLDIER.

Cloud turns his head away. Probably blushing. “…I say we get some sleep.”

“…Yeah. You’re right.”

The look that Cloud gives him next is heartbreaking. Zack has no idea how somebody’s eyes can be so naturally blue, how they can seem to glow even without the phosphorescence of Mako. “Maybe… things’ll be better tomorrow.” He repeats it to himself, again.

Zack can recognise the symptoms of anxiety from his training in interrogation, should the need have ever arisen with an internal SOLDIER betrayal. _(Hah.)_  

“Hey, hey man. Don’t… don’t be so down on yourself. Like I said. Small steps.”

“I can’t seem to do anything right,” Cloud mumbles.

Classic feelings of inadequacy, right there. Zack crosses his legs on the bed opposite Cloud, not really knowing what to say.

Except to just… try your best and retain your honour as a candidate for SOLDIER. That’s what worked in the past. Being eager enough to follow around instructors and network was also a plus, though Cloud is likely too shy to do such a thing.

“So… you expected it to come easy?” Zack asks, not wanting to sound harsh.

“N-no, I knew I’d have to work for it, but…”

Zack sighs. It must be the dream of so many young men, to be fast-tracked for SOLDIER. To go through endless barrages of physical tests and aptitude exams, all for the prestige. Of what? Being able to command security guards who resented your authority over them? To be shipped off to Wutai at a moment’s notice, secretly worrying about your lower-ranking colleagues the moment they’re ordered to join another platoon and separate from you into enemy territory…

All he can offer is a platitude. “You’ll get there some day. Just have faith in yourself. Always helps.”

He smiles, to cover up the fact that he’s lying through his teeth. But it seems to work — Cloud gives a short nod and leans back against the headboard of his bed, before turning onto his side. “…Good night.”

“…Yeah. Night.”


End file.
